3-Column Page

Gold Hill Entrails

Hank Hobart on LSD

HANK DEMANDS AUDIT OF TIME CARDS!

says he needs to come clean in order to complete therapy.

In an ongoing attempt to rid himself of demons, Officer Hobart has taken the advice of his shaman/therapist who suggested recently that Hobart try LSD. Pictured above is the kinder, gentler Hank that we can expect to see in the dreary winter months ahead. Taking the therapist's advice, Hank took about 2 hits of therapeutic LSD this weekend. This picture was taken after he "purged" and admitted that he had been abusing himself and others while on duty. Particularly citing the recent serial abuse of a local resident and his invalid wife. "I watched for them to come into town" Hobart admitted, wiping his tears. "Most of the stuff I do is chickenshit, there is no other word to describe it."

He also admitted that sometimes he really didn't come to work when he said he did. "I was just pretending that I came to work, sometimes, but I really didn't."

As part of Hobart's recovery, he is demanding that the city audit all of his time cards for the past three years. "I think they need to take my actual time cards and then compare them to how many hours I was actually logged on to SORC, and then compare those to the actual daily reports. I think they will find a pretty consistent pattern of fraud. Maybe I should go to jail for stealing." Hobart said.

A pscho-tech that attended Hobart on his "trip" said that when Hank was really high, he tangled himself up trying to arrest himself with his own handcuffs and then repeated tried to spank himself for being so bad. "This guy has really come along way in facing himself."

HEY! THIS IS EMBARASKIN!

ROGUE RIVER POLICE CHIEF WANTS GOLD HILL COPS TO STAY OUT OF ROGUE RIVER

Chief Lewis of the City of Rogue River is sick of seeing the Gold Hill Police in his town and underfeet and sent a letter to Chief Muchow so stating. The letter which names Hank "the spank" Hobart by name, apparently makes it clear that Rogue River does not want it's department associating with the "boys in doo" from the GHPD.

Muchow, never wanting to miss an opportunity to step in "it" fired off one of his cutting edge replies. A true sociopath always insists in getting the last word. Can someone tell him that Oregon has a "death with dignity" law?

Well one good turn deserves another and if Chief Lewis stepped up to the plate in support of professional law enforcement by writing the letter, he should be aware that one of his officers, Butch Lee regularly spends his on duty hours parked at the silica plant hob nobbing with our own ne'r do well, Hobart. The silica plant, which is not within either the city limits of Gold Hill or Rogue River gets an inordinate amount of the deterrent factor from these two fine officers. Too bad they are not paying for it.

GOLD HILL TRIVIA

the guy that owns Tarasco's doesn't like the officers from the GHPD and doesn't mind telling people about it. he does like the RRPD but the GHPD officers are rude and have bad manners.
Dean Muchow was not really welcome to the avocados
Deborah W at the Post Office knew that Muchow was a liar since the beginning when he tried to get Ann Boydston at the library to give him the keys to the library and that 'everyone in town was giving him (Muchow) the keys' 'even the post office'. Low standards.
Scott Baker wasn't welcome at the end of the block on 4th of July to watch the Gold Hill local interactive fireworks, next year go buy your own. the same goes for Tom Daily, you can't have it both ways mister!
Mayor Sherry Young resigned, that was predictable.

WHY DO WE HAVE A POLICE DEPARTMENT?

Can somebody remind me why we fund a police department?

On Saturday, in front of Ray's there was a collision when one car rear-ended a second car.

Within 10 minutes Fire District 3 responded. Within 12 minutes JCSO responded. Fire District 3 and Mercy Flights each sent a EMT and a medical transport. Then JCSO sent three more officers in vehicles.

GHPD was a no show.

HANK HOBART SEEKS EXORCISM

ANCIENT BAALINESE SHADOW RITE REVEALS DEMONS

Anyone who has been stopped by Officer Hank Hobart will be glad to hear that he is seeking a professional exorcism for his demons.

Baalinese shadow screen revealed demons galore

"I thought it was me" Hobart seemed relieved to find out he was possessed.

"Sometimes I ran out of middle fingers, I wanted to flip everyone off so bad, and I had to hide it, but people knew. It felt good to finally admit that I had a major hate problem. I mean, everyone around me knew I was sick."

Hank got help from a strange place when a friend referred him to an ancient Baalinese shaman who is in the country illegally. Using an ancient rite the patient stands in front of a sheet with a light shining directly on to him. When everything goes right, the shadows of the demons will appear on the sheet. If it is a good sheet and the shaman is quick enough, they can be bagged at that point. But these were too mean and the shaman was not interested in touching them.

Old timers may recall that the city had another problem years ago when former Police Chief Katie Holmboe admitted to exorcising demons in the Gold Hill Police car. The department was fined by OSHA for failing to properly contain the demons in secure containers, thus allowing them to escape into the general public. It is unclear at this time if Hobart may have come in contact with any of the residual demons but what is known is that the old police cars where the orginal Holmboe exocisms took place were out of commission before Hobart began his employment with the city.

Policemans equipment

HAD YOUR WRIST TWISTED LATELY?

HAD A NIGHTTIME VISITOR OUTSIDE YOU BEDROOM WINDOW IN A GHPD UNIFORM?

BEEN FOLLOWED BY A GHPD COP CAR WITH IT'S LIGHTS OFF?

Some of your neighbors have............

If the answer to any of these questions is yes:

The bad news is that you have absolutely no recourse within the City. City Officials like Mayor Young and Kathleen Price are too busy trying to hide Dean Muchows new $600 phone bill before Monday's Council meeting to care about the fact that the Gold Hill City Council has no protocol to address citizen's complaints against the Gold Hill Police Department that are mounting daily. (Well, weekly at least, they don't come to work that much).

The good news is that you might be able to be one of the lucky ones that will end up on the other end of the next lawsuit. When a city operates a public safety operation, like a fire department or a police department, and it operates so far below community standards as is the case with the case with the GHPD, AND they have recieved complaints of very serious natures, that have not been investigated or addressed, they have crossed in to the area of vicarious liablilty.

When did the department last have excessive force training?

What did the Council do when an Oregon State Police officer reported to them that Chief Muchow was seen co-habiting in a motel room with one of our female reserves during a recent Portland con-fab?

What did they do besides turn the claim in to the insurance when Officer Hank Hobart twisted a juvenile females wrist to the point of injury?

What did the Council do when they recieved a complaint that the GHPD car was following a black man repeatedly in a police car with it's lights out? (the young man being a member of Susie Schooneover's family, for those of you WANT the officers to follow black men, and we know you are out there)

What did they do to respond to information that the same GHPD car, with no lights was reported following Mrs Stoner, the Patrick School Librarian?

What did they do when they recieved information that Officer Hobart was reported sneaking around in the dark at a woman's home outside city limits?

What did the Council do when personnel from another agency informed Gold Hill that a GHPD Reserve Officer that had worked for their agency, had a severely abnormal pyschological evaluation?

What did the Council do when they were made aware of the fact that they had not received the background information from Union, including multiple complaints against Muchow involving children?

There is one answer and that is "nothing" in all cases.

This is where lawsuits and vicarious liablity begins.

You will be glad to know that even though Gold Hill does not have the money to send it's officers for EXCESSIVE FORCE TRAINING, they still train regularly with Officer Hobart at the range.

"WATERLOO, WATERLOO..................WHEN WILL

HANK MEET HIS WATERLOO?"

Q. WHY ARE THE GOLD HILL POLICE CARS HIDDEN IN THE BACK OF THE DEL RIO ORCHARD PROPERTY OF THE WALLACES?

A because if the residents could see how much of the time the cars don't move, they would know they were being robbed. And if they saw how little of the time when the cars are in use, they are in use in Gold Hill, they would know they were being robbed.

Q WHY IS HANK HOBART'S POLICE CAR UNMARKED?

A because Hank likes to play big, bad cop on the freeway and all over the two counties and he knows that the words "GOLD HILL POLICE" reveals that he is a clown.

Q WHY IS HANK HOBART SUDDENLY COMING TO WORK ON HIS SHIFTS WHEN HE WAS PERFECTLY HAPPY SUBMITTING TIMECARDS AND BEING PAID FOR NOT WORKING FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS?

A because he suddenly realized that somebody else beside the council might end up doing a real audit of his time cards and compare them to the daily logs and the SORC records and he might be charged with theft by deception.

Spiral, Horizontal Line Spinning